Let's Talk on Facebook!

Hello ... I hope your day is going well.

So, it's been sometime since I blogged here at Blogger and it's for a number of reason. As we go, I'll share what new things have been happening within The W.O.W.W. Factor. For example, doing some new designs, let me know what you think:

I think its nice! However, the one major reason is that I was trying to figure out how I could better increase my direct communication with you much faster and especially easier. Something a little more interactive where can share pics, smileyfaces, and all sorts of wonderful things as those. Well, I figured since I'm primarily on Facebook and many of you are as well, I figured why not create a separate FB page that would cover all of these considerations I was pondering over. I have started it and honestly, it's still in its testing phase to see how it goes. So far so good ...

So if you would, join me on FB and lets see if that does turn out to be a better option. As you already know, I really enjoy your feedback. I love conversation and would love to hear your thoughts regarding my post, the new FB location, as well as how you're doing and how your day is going and what's new for you. Let's share! All you need to do is just click the link below. Again, please forgive me for the inconvenience of having to travel from one page to another. :) Love guys!! :)

Click the link:
www.facebook.com/wowwfactor12

Journeys can lead us right into our blessings!!

Hey folks,

Hope all is well with you. As for me I’m still moving in the right direction. I haven’t given up on my declaration. I AM COMMITTED TO LIVE!!! How about you? I hope you are. I mean none of us have a monopoly on hard times. When I tell you so many people are dealing with calamities… it’s just incredible. I’ve had more than a few people reach out to me through text, FB inbox, calls, etc. to share their experience. The only thing I can do is listen and testify that WE CAN, WE WILL and WE MUST GO ON.  I know it’s easier said than done, you know I know, but it is attainable. As my Pastor Dean Brown stated, “Either don’t fight and stay in the wilderness or FACE YOUR GIANTS IN THE PROMISE LAND”.  

SMH ... MAN UP!

FIND THE DAVID IN YOU AND DEFEAT YOUR GOLIATH!!

You choose. What will it be? Staying committed to anything worthwhile is a fight but God has already equipped us with everything we need to FIGHT!!!! Don’t base your daily journey on how you feel. Feelings are forever fleeting and fickle. You have to make a decision, a commitment, a declaration, a determination to go on. From the moment you make up your mind, you’ve already won because you generally act out or live out what you have already decided in your mind.

You can’t do this journey alone, we all need each other. But choose wisely who you want in your inner circle. Keep folk around that truly build you up; not the ones that will suck every bit of life you got left in you. I mean, real talk. I have met a few people that had the same name in common, what a coincidence, golly, wow! You want to know their name? LEECH. YEAH BOY…A BLOOD SUCKING, FLESH EATING KINDA’ WORMY SO CALLED FRIEND!!! Ok their name may not be Leech, I’m being harsh, right? Ok well maybe their known as PARASITE, TICK, MOSQUITO, BLOODSUCKER…just sayin’ (hahaha)

Remember some people love you as long as you’re down, but when you start rising like the “cream that always rises to the top”, folk ain’t always happy for you. Man please, I just ain’t about it. Here I’m trying to pull myself up while you’re trying to keep me comfortable in misery. Misery ain’t cute, and neither is it fashionable in my world. I don’t think it even comes in my size, BUT what does come in my size is “THAT GARMENT OF PRAISE” (Isaiah 61:3).

Ok, now that I’ve got that out, I can exhale (hahaha). I’m just giving someone that RED ALERT! I know I’m a extra, but hey forewarned is forearmed! (W.O.W.W.)

So I hope everyone’s holiday season went well. The holiday season seems so long ago. Time doesn’t wait. Here it comes, there it goes! Mine was nothing special, uneventful and that’s ok, I am just grateful that emotionally I am in a better place than I was during 2012’s holidays. So does that say I’m healing? You better believe it! I am, however, still trying to figure out me because I recognize that a tragedy can change one forever. You see and feel differently about a lot of things. Sometimes it even surprises you how you’ve changed but you know what? IT’S OK!!!

Anyway, enough of this serious talk, let’s talk trash, yeah TRASH!!! A little harmless trash don’t hurt nobody, especially since it’s my trash. (yes, incorrect English, I know, Lol).

My ‘fro is getting bigger. I’m so proud of that, I feel like it is a plant that I am nurturing. You know, watering it, cut of the dead leaves/ends. HAHAHA. 

IN THE BEGINNING ... 

THE BLOW OUT ... 

SHAMELESS PLUG ... :)

AVAILABLE ON iTunes, Amazonmp3, CD Baby  ;)

Anyway, some folk still have a problem with my natural walk, BUT say this with me “SHE’S HAPPY BEING NAPPY”. Let that marinate, meditate on that and you’ll be fine! (singing) I AM NOT MY HAIR (India Arie). 

Click Me To Hear, "I AM NOT MY HAIR"

It’s all good. I also promised you some details about the room search for Heather’s last year of undergraduate school. If you refer back to the last blog, that will catch you up. Well baby, what an experience; the way people live behind closed doors... I think I may have shared some of this with you already, but anyway, the first house I inquired about a room for Heather was filled literally with about 10 three feet antique looking, Scarlet O’Hare dressing, and 20 year old looking porcelain dolls. Everywhere I went in that house their eyes followed me, for real. The owner showed me the room and stated “this is my parents’ room; no one has been in here since they died.” And to that I said in my head, “well Heather will not be the first, no sah, not my baby”. Not to mention that she had a cat, a dog, a bird and the house smelled like a zoo. Did I mention the secret bedroom hidden off in the basement? I lie not!!! This was how I would describe it…SCARY MOVIE 10, STARRING MARLON WAYANS AND B RENEE. WE WOULD BE THE ONLY SURVIVORS. I CAN’T SPEAK FOR THE OWNER OR HER FRIENDS/THE DOLLS. (BLANK STARE MOMENT)

Lol! After that ordeal I finally found the right room for my baby, so I thought. It was a beautiful home with a wonderful owner, a very sweet and endearing woman. Well, 3 days after Heather moved in, Heather called me and mentioned there were spiders in her room, and they were JUMPING SPIDERS!!!! EXCUSE MY LANGUAGE but WHAT THE HECK???? Well long story short I went to her room, I saw 5 in 20 minutes,HOPPING, FLYING, JUMPING, SHOUTING, DOING THE HUCK-A-BUCK, THE MOON WALK, BREAKDANCING, THE DOUGEY, WHAT ELSE? NAME SOMETHING!!!! I am still traumatized, I thought I was okay but now that I am talking about it again I will need therapy all over again. Send help Lord, this is a case of PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder). DONE!!! Needless to say we high tailed it out of there. Packed both cars and got to steppin’. I mean there had to be more; those were just the ones we saw. There was no need to wait for the entire congregation of spiders to start church service. I mean…REALLY! 






AIN’T, I MEAN, AIN’T NOBODY, SOMEBODY, ANYBODY GOT NO TIME FOR THAT!!!

GOOD GOD FROM GLORY!!! Well back on the ranch, we found her a wonderful room paying even less than before. So we went from the college room and board of $11,200 to $7,200 at the SPIDER HOUSE (hahahaha) to now $4,600 in a very comfortable environment. Let’s do the math I saved $6,600!!! 

So the moral of this story/adventure is, Inconvenience and unpredictable journeys can lead us right into our BLESSINGS!!!!

UNTIL NEXT TIME…WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU LEMONS, USE THE FRESH LEMON JUICE IN YOUR GLASS OF WATER AND DRINK UP, IT WILL DO YOU GOOD!!! 

BE WELL and GOD BLESS YOU!! 

~ B. Renee ~

ANTIQUE DOLLS AND JUMPING SPIDERS ... WHHHHHHAAAAATTTT????!!!!!

It’s been way too long … Oh goodness, almost 3 months! I’ve missed keeping you guys informed of my incredible journey.  My life doesn’t have a dull or boring moment and why should it?  I expect to fulfill every vision and purpose that God has designed for me. Despite adversity, God has been good to me and still is good.  So where to do I start …

Well I’ve been out of sight all this time because I was finishing up my sophomore CD (whoo-whoo) and getting ready for my CD Listening Soiree (fancy, shmancy). 

This event took place Oct 6 which was my husband’s birthday; he would have been 58 years old. I made a conscious decision to have this celebration fall on his day. For the past year, since his death, I have purposefully made special plans for those special days that would be hard for me to get through.   It was a monumental event because it represented the beginning of my new chapter, a new book, a new journey.

The church was filled, the power of God was in the place and it was just AMAZING!!! 

And folks, I introduced, for those that didn’t know, (clearing my throat) B. Renee, the comedian. Yes that’s right, THE COMEDIAN!!! I was a hit, I’m a “natural” at it, as long as I ignored my daughter’s BLANK STARE, I believe I was in the pocket!!!!  Now that I think about it, I don’t know if people were laughing with me or at the fact that I thought I was funny.  LET ME THINK ABOUT THIS FOR A MOMENT….. (60 SECONDS OVER)

YES, I WAS RIGHT, I’M A NATURAL!!! I believe it was the “ME, MYSELF AND I” impromptu skit.  I nailed it!!!!  (Sorry folks you had to be there, lol.)

The entire night felt like a dream. I thoroughly enjoyed each moment. I am learning to inhale and exhale as I minister in song and in words, I’m learning to slow down and take it all in, you know what I mean?  And to still hear people say that they were blessed that night through laughter (my jokes) song, dance, and poetry, lets me know that the “soiree” was a success.  I took everyone on a journey from the songs on the first CD to the songs on this sophomore project.  These songs came from great pain and much travail, BUT I am COMMITTED TO LIVE. By the way that’s the name of one of the song on my new CD, shameless plug and here’s a great segue ... I received a standing ovation for my first video featuring the song COMMITTED TO LIVE. It tells an incredible story with a powerful message. CHECK IT OUT FOR YOURSELF. Click the link: B. Renee - Committed To Live or you can go on youtube and type in B. Renee - Committed To Love. Can you tell that I’m excited???

Please feel free to download my songs from itunes.com, cdbaby.com, amazonmp3.com, etc. I am really ecstatic about this project. And the feedback from those that purchased the CD is quite positive and still coming in everyday. This means more to me than anyone knows. The title of this CD is “HEALED!”

 

God gave me the name of this cd when my husband was diagnosed with cancer, the 3^rd and final time. We held onto that word, HEALED, until the end or should I say the beginning? You are probably wondering what do I mean by the beginning; it’s all about perspective. My sweetheart was eternally healed. It was the end of suffering for him and the beginning of an awesome existence with the Lord. AMAZING!!!!

In between all of this, life didn’t take a break.  I’m still a mother and head of household.  With my daughter going into her senior year in college, I made the decision that it would be in our best interest financially for her to live off campus. (WOWW FACTOR moment) The fact that she’d need a car to get around for student teaching and also  because college room and board is too expensive…$11,200/year, IT WAS A NO BRAINER.  Well folks, let the games begin; the journey to finding that right room was something I could never imagine. The way people live, MAN PLEASE, folks got some “goings’ on” behind that front door with the doormat that says 

Yeah, right! I went to one house to look at a room for Heather and there were at least seven 3 ft antique dolls all over the house.

You couldn’t tell me they weren’t watching me everywhere I went. In my head I was like, I DARE YOU!!!  I thought at any moment they were going to come alive.  I definitely have to tell you this story in detail in the next blog.  The best way I can describe it is , Rod Serling’s “Twilight Zone” meets  “ I love Lucy”.. (Hysterical just recalling the series of events-hahahaha).

AND here’s another one for you… have you ever seen jumping spiders?

(hahahaha). JUST WAIT, THIS WILL BE A GOOD ONE TOO!!! This was another room we became acquainted with.  This was a Lucy (me) and Ethel (Heather, my daughter) tag team adventure.

 

HAHAHAHA.   I PROMISE YOU, I CAN’T MAKE THIS UP!!!! UNTIL NEXT TIME BEWARE OF 3FT ANTIQUE DOLLS AND JUMPING SPIDERS.

DO THE RIGHT THING!!!!

Hi my friends,

It’s been a long few months and I’ve thought of you guys a lot. There is so much I want to share with you but I really can’t tell it all. I will just highlight a few things.

First, I am becoming an expert at picking up quickly when someone is trying to take advantage of me,     “the emotional widow”, so they think.  MAN, PLEASE … I can smell you a mile away…SNIFF, SNIFF, HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE … (SANGIN’) ANOTHER BITES THE DUST!!!!! Don’t get me wrong, I am not the angry, emotional, I can’t think, I’m so confused WIDOW…I just have come up against some DUDES that think I will accept anything where business dealings are concerned, but I’m NOT that one. You’ve confused me with the one that still doesn’t know how to write a check. She’s one town over buddy! People, surround yourself with people that love you and will help you when you don’t know. I have a wonderful father and pastor that are quite influential in my life, two wonderful men that help me so much. NO MAN IS AN ISLAND!

I had something that needed to be fixed in the house and the person didn’t complete the job and I guess he thought he could take advantage and make me wait until Christmas comes or when Jesus comes or when HE CHOOSES to come to finish the job. NOPE! WRONG SCENE, WRONG PLAY!!!! My daughter watched as I handled my business and still I came out smelling like roses. Since I could never catch up with him I gave his son the message to thank him for what he did, I left a check for the half he did do and I told his son that I’d get someone else to finish his father’s work and that is exactly what I did. By the way, he was in his house the whole time I was talking to his son but he didn’t know I knew he was there, so when I relayed my message I turned on my internal microphone so that his whole house could hear me (hahaha). The sad thing is that he just lost some referrals. In the words of Sanford from (Red Foxx’s SANFORD AND SON) BIG DUMMY!!!!

 

Life is so very challenging when you go from being able to support your spouse as head of household to being head of household. Every step I make I must consider so much. What makes it all doable is because I was a part of the process from the beginning of the marriage. I’m not just talking financially, but in all areas. Having a plan is a necessity; it might change along the way, but start with something. Learn to budget your money and be disciplined early in life, even before getting married. I give thanks to my mom for teaching me that.

For example, when I shop, I know how to shop and I know when to quit. I’m always looking down the road… my retirement, Heather’s wedding, travelling in ministry and continuing to pay on my LIFE INSURANCE (I had to put that plug in).

Once again, I have to speak on this LIFE INSURANCE thing, YES, I’M GONNA PLAY THAT TUNE AGAIN. People are still making excuses to me as to why they can’t afford it. In my mind I want to say, tell that to your loved ones that you will leave behind. Go ahead and let them know that they will have to go through an embarrassing ordeal of calling Ray-Ray, Ant Bee, Uncle Roscoe or Pookie and Nem for money. Also remind your fam to ask their Pastor “GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME AND ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD” to raise a “love offering” this coming Sunday before you meet with the funeral director. Oh yes and remind your loved ones that when they get to the funeral home they will have to engage in an embarrassing dialogue of “I’m still getting the money together” and then your dearest loved ones will be told nothing will be done until they get the money to the funeral home. Oh yeah, and your grieving loved ones will have to call the rest of the family and tell them the funeral will be in three weeks maybe. I know I kind of painted a comical and exaggerated picture, but how do you think they come up with great TV shows? FOLKS IT’S ART IMITATING LIFE, THIS IS REAL STUFF (give me a moment I’m hysterically laughing as I write this, this has been in somebody’s movie or sitcom, so sad). Bottom line, as my grandmother use to say “PEOPLE DO WHAT THEY WANT TO DO”. FOLKS WAKE UP AND DO THE RIGHT THING!!!!

Ok, I have gathered myself. I can be so passionate sometimes; hey it’s the way I’m made, no apologies. On another note, from the last blog, remember the timeshare saga? Lol. Well, the conclusion to the whole matter is that I still have the timeshare that Heather and I are enjoying. It all worked out.  Emm and I sacrificed a lot along the way to keep it but it was so worth it. I couldn’t even really get upset with him, my husband barely bought anything for himself; he called himself a renaissance man. I called him Fred Flintstone (hahaha). I mean he never used his cell phone and periodically he lost it. So funny …

Brothers and sisters I am still adjusting to going from wife and mother to being a mom only. I loved being both. Someone told me that I am a person before being a wife or a mom. I know and understand that, but I loved being a wife and enjoyed that role and I miss it.

BUT STILL I RISE.

Be blessed!

B. Renee

We had a P L A N!!!

Howdy folks,

Hope all is well. Spring is here and day time is longer. I really love that about this time of year, not too happy with my allergies but whatcha’ gonna do. Spring is a sign of birth, growth, hope, life and oh so many good things.  Seeds that have been planted are now showing a hint of manifestation. What you thought might have died during the cold and mostly dark days are now playing “peep a boo” with you, maybe to your surprise. There are so many lessons to be learned when you think of spring time...

 

I had my daughter in the spring.  May 1 was my daughter, Heather’s 21^st birthday. She mentioned on April 30 that it was her last day of being a “child”. I told her, “girl please, you were born a woman”. Can you imagine, she was 10 lbs. 9oz. and 21 ½ inches long.

Yes you read it right, let me spell it out. HEATHER WAS TEN POUNDS, NINE OUNCES!!!!  And you wonder why I didn’t have any more children? The doctor told me the next child would be bigger! WHAT NEXT CHILD??? IN WHO’S BODY?? Folks, there was no C-section involved here, this was O NATURALE!!!  Let me type “SUPERWOMAN” right here. (Alicia Keys you better sing it)  I told Emm this must definitely be his side of the family because we (my side of the family) don’t do stuff like this”. (laughing)

Heather has always carried herself in such a mature way. I would always tell her “old people make old babies”. I was 32 and Emm was 36 years old when she was born. This year for her birthday, I took her to a great restaurant on 51^st and Broadway called Capital Grill. Everything about it was great, the food, the ambiance and the COST! It was worth it though, 21 is a big deal. As we waited for our appetizers, I had her unscramble an envelope of letters that spelled out her birthday present. Folks, she was floored. It spelled METROPOLITAN OPERA! Yes I got her and I tickets to see “Dialogue de Carmelites”.

 

If your first love is football, how excited would you be to get tickets to The Super bowl, or if your thing is basketball and you got tickets to the NBA championship games? Well she’s a classical vocalist need I say more?

I pride myself in thinking of memorable gifts for her birthday. I remember when she was 11 years old and my husband and I picked her up from school in the middle of the day and took her to Disney Land for a week.  We broke it to her at Kennedy Airport what the surprise was; her response to all of this came in a whisper. Everything another child might do like scream, jump up and down, you know all those expressions that would get the attention of others around, Heather did NOT do. She quietly expressed her shock and disbelief but she was very, very happy. All in all her reaction was priceless and too funny! We stayed at the Westgate Resorts; we got an excellent rate for a 5 day stay at an absolutely beautiful timeshare resort.

So let me tell you about that journey. When you take advantage of a promotional stay at a timeshare, you must schedule an appointment to hear their presentation so that you may perhaps buy a timeshare unit. They are banking on you buying a unit, they will accept nothing less. That’s the point of these promotional, well discounted vacation getaways.  Emm and I had a PLAN though. We would go and listen but we will stick to our PLAN of not buying a timeshare right now, the bottom line was we were in no position to buy right now. We knew how pushy these reps could be but we had a PLAN. Have you noticed how I put the word PLAN in caps?  Yes folks we had a PLAN. Emm would be the one to take this rep on if they got belligerent because they can. I would just remain quiet and let my man handle this.  We knew how this worked because we went on a one trip to Pennsylvania when timeshares were first introduced and I mean it was brutal. The process included much aggressive behavior and rudeness from these reps and they had the nerve to play the tag team game.  Really… well THE BARNES tag team came out in full blast.   I was so shocked; I mean we literally got up out of there. They were too persistent, I mean every time we’d say, “no thank you”, they’d come back with something. Ultimately we won; we were both on the same page.  In the words of one of the character’s on IN LIVN’ COLOR…“DON’T NOBODY MESS WITH MS JENKINS”.  In other words DON’T NOBODY MESS WITH THE BARNES AND WIN (hahaha). The way I reenacted everything all the way home would have been torture for most of you but  Emm just chilled and listened to my song and dance or should I say ranting and raving! After a while I’m sure he tuned me out and I didn’t care though, as long as he just look like he was listening, it was all good.   But back to the point of the story, because of this experience we had already prepared and braced ourselves for the meeting. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with timeshares; we were just not financially ready for that at that time or when we went to Florida. Our meeting was scheduled a few days after being there. How strategic on their part, let us really enjoy the place first and then reel us in. That didn’t matter though we knew we’d have a great time there, it came highly recommended and we were indeed impressed. But yet and still we had a PLAN!!!

 

We went to our appointment early that morning and we reminded each other to stick to the PLAN.  We will tolerate them for this 90 minute presentation and bow out gracefully.  We had a wonderful, very polite young man, not aggressive or abrasive at all. He took us around the grounds and showed us different units of possible choices.  I must say it was quite impressive, but no matter what, we had a PLAN.  So by the end of all of this he asked, “So what do you want to do?” Now remember y’all we had a PLAN.  In my head, I said, “poor, poor guy you are now going to get this bad news after all the time you spent with us”. I felt sorry for him but that’s life!  Well the time had come, I thought again “baby go easy on him” anyone that knew Emm, knew that when it came to business he was DIRECT, STRAIGHT TO THE POINT, DONE!!! I think all those years at IBM taught him that. Well, Mr. Barnes, my man, my strong minded man, my man that exudes confidence, my man that I knew would stick to the PLAN, my boo said, “I THINK I WOULD LIKE TO BUY A UNIT”.









 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, folks this is the conversation I had in my head…

HUH?? SAY WHAT??? I MUST GET THAT WAX BUILD UP OUT OF MY EARS… DID HE JUST SAY I WOULD LIKE TO BUY ONE?? DID YOU FORGET THE PLAN?? YOU KNOW…THE PLAN…. THE PLAN, PLAN!!!! YOU’RE KIDDIN ME, RIGHT???  WHY IS MR REP GRINNING?? OH YEAH THE COMMISSION!!! AWWW LOOK AT HEATHER SHE IS SO EXCITED, SHE THINKS WE WILL BE COMING HERE OR ONE OF THEIR MANY, MANY OTHER RESORTS EVERY YEAR, AWWWW!!!!! I DON’T CARE….EMM THE PLAN, WE HAD A PLAN…….

 

‘til next time….

 

I GOT UP AND DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

Hey everyone,

Hope all is well with each of you.  It has been an eventful March for my family and I.   My youngest sister Tiana, who is 21 years younger than me, got married to her sweetheart, Kareem on March 22.

 

Can you believe a 21 year difference?  I got one better for you, my mother was pregnant with her and my oldest sister, Denise was pregnant with her son at the same time. In other words, the mama and the daughter were prego together.  CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT FOOLISHNESS, JUST MESS!!!  I’m still traumatized. (HAHAHA) Anyway back to the wedding, it was absolutely beautiful. As I sat and listened and watched the ceremony, the words they had to repeat, were words that seemed to come alive as they were spoken.  IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH, ‘TIL DEATH DO US PART.  My insides turned a million times.  Who knew this would be my story, sooner rather than later.  I surely didn’t know.   My husband was extremely healthy all his life; I mean the epitome of a healthy man. Then came sickness in 2006, he was 51 years old at that time… CANCER??  NO WAY!! NOT MY MAN, NOT THIS HEALTHY MAN THAT NEVER HAD A HEADACHE OR A COLD…WHAT??? . By the time it was all said and done he would have fought three times.  During every battle we stayed strong and he fought hard.  Twice he went into remission.   I THANK GOD FOR GRACE!

In 2001 a good friend lost her husband, I believe she was about 40 years old and he was around the same age or a few years older.  Her loss bothered me to the point of not being able to shake a feeling of unrest.  I remember telling Emm how I was feeling, how I couldn’t shake it and that we must make an appointment to get a better life insurance policy. I was always the type of wife, if Emm didn’t move fast enough, I’d do it myself or attempt to, but if it was something I absolutely needed him for. .. I positioned myself to being the worse nightmare in his daytime or that bug/fly that wouldn’t go away.  So I commenced to bugging him, annoying him, reminding him that we MUST go take out a better policy.  

 

Let me put it this way, I played that tune until he danced, oh yeah!!!   I didn’t have to do it for long because he couldn’t stand anything being repeated.  I became a human CD player that is put on repeat playing the same song. (hahaha) Oh yeah buddy, I knew how to go in.  Well folks it worked! I remember us going to an Allstate office taking our daughter with us and doing what we needed to do.  We sat her between us and my darling husband handled his business. He even made sure that our daughter Heather was insured.  I remember him looking at me and smiling after he said to the agent, “I want a bigger policy on me, if she (talking about me) goes first, Heather and I will be fine but if I go first I want her to have no worries.”  I’m paraphrasing but that was pretty much what he said. 

My brothers and sisters, I beseech you, I beg you, and I implore you to get your affairs in order. You and I both know the worse time to try to think clearly is when you’re NOT thinking clearly.  We had minimal insurance for a lot of years, but God kept tugging at my heart to get a better policy and thank God we did it while he was WELL!!!  IT IS HARD TO GET INSURANCE IF AT ALL WITH A PRE-EXISTING ILLNESS.  I am a witness that the Lord does speak to you and wants us to be prepared IN EVERYTHING.   

From this day forward every time I go to a wedding and hear a minister say “in sickness or in health” it will be different.  Believe me dear hearts I would marry Emm all over again even knowing the end from the beginning.  Someone stated during his last battle that they’d rather stay single than to have to endure the pain and sacrifice I dealt with. I told the person when you truly love someone it’s not a burden or a job.  I loved my husband through the entire journey. I learned so much from him. I learned patience, faith, trust, peace, endurance, gentleness, long suffering as I watched this amazing man’s journey. Marriage is not a game it is WORK. God at the head should be the foundation and HIS WORD your reference.  Also know this; we all will have some valley experiences in this life, whether married or single.  Either way let’s choose to GO THROUGH our valley NOT STAY in the valley. GOD IS OUR HELPER!

I usually have a lot more comic relief when I write these blogs so forgive me for not making you laugh too much today.  You see when I begin to press the keys on the computer, I free my mind and allow God to direct me in what is to be said at the time.  I have had the pleasure of sharing my story and mentioning the importance of LIFE INSURANCE at different venues that I am requested to sing.  It breaks my heart to know how many people admit to having no insurance. I pray these blogs will encourage you to arise and do.  I pray it does for you what the tragedy of my friend losing her spouse did for me.  I GOT UP AND DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Many of us say we don’t have the money to get insurance. I’m here to tell you, I’m not buying into that EXCUSE.  We live in a time when the phrase is “can I be real?” or “I’m just keeping it real!” WELL CAN I BE REAL?  We have money to do whatever we want to do; I’m not talking about needs BUT wants.  You mean to tell me we can’t sacrifice one family dinner out per month nor do we really need another pair of shoes or another dress, or even another iPad?! I’m sure you get my point.  Bottom line is, like my grandmother use to say, ‘PEOPLE DO WANT THEY WANT TO DO”. LIFE INSURANCE IS NOT A WANT, WE NEED LIFE INSURANCE!!!!  AND I’M KEEPING IT REAL!!! I hope you’re feeling the love even though I AM BELLOWING AT YOU!!!! (SMILE)

I have a suggestion. When I want to lock myself into an appointment, or a visit with friends, or a dinner engagement, I pull out my calendar and make a verbal agreed upon date. There it’s done and no more of the “you know I’m going to...” or “we should get together…” Now your first step is done.  Hopefully you’ll follow through and keep the appointment.  I’m telling you, you will feel better, if not now later for sure!

I have been charged by the Lord to speak and write my journey on this subject, I do this because I love God’s people and I don’t want anyone to be caught unprepared. We will have no one to blame but ourselves. Be well and much love………

Oh yes one more thing….there is one more sister I didn’t mention. She is the sister in between me and our youngest sister Tiana.  Annette is 10.5 years older than Tiana and 10.5 younger than me!!! NO BOYS, FOUR GIRLS. THE ANGELS IN HEAVEN PROBABLY SOUNDED THE ALARM and sang HANDEL’S MESSIAH when my parents finally said, “IT IS FINISHED” YA THINK…. GEEZZZ!!!

J BE BLESSED!

. . . BUT, WE DID IT TOGETHER!!!

Hi everyone,

Has it been a month? Unbelievable! This thing called time is hard to figure out at times. Time doesn’t wait or stop for anyone. Sometimes I feel like time is standing still and other times, time feels like it’s getting away from me.  Either way I missed you guys, I hope you missed me too. 

Since the last blog, there was a wonderful day set aside called Valentine’s Day.  I hope everyone enjoyed and showed love to someone, even if only to yourself. You deserved it. Well guys, that day was the hardest day yet since Emm’s been gone. I mean really, really the hardest day of my life.  Put it this way, if I could bottle up the pain, the bottle would explode just from the intensity alone.  Valentine’s Day was also our 27^th anniversary, need I say more? But let me tell you how I got through it, I always have a plan these days, I have made a determination that I am not going down.  My daughter, Heather and I, met in the city (New York) to see Phantom of the Opera.

 

 

When I saw her face, that beautiful face immediately made me feel better. She hugged me, gave me a card and a gift.  The play, in one word, was PHENOMENAL!  It was simply AMAZING. By the way, it is their 25^th anniversary on Broadway so the tickets are remarkably cheaper for the time being. Heather and I give it two thumbs up!

 

Sooooooooooooooooo, dear hearts, tax season has rolled around again. Some people are happy and some people are either …

A) sad 

B) mad 

C) physically sick 

D) all of the above.

 

Most folks know, if it is multiple choice the answer is usual “D” if that’s an option… (chuckle). This is the time of year, when “money cometh and money goeth” is spelled the same way, I-R-S. 

 

For many years, Emm and I dealt with the latter.  We were in the middle class bracket and owned nothing, but owed everything.  There’s something very wrong with that equation.  Well I got tired of my Oscar winning performances every year once I saw how much we had to pay. You know me crying, not eating, woe is me, and we’re not going to make it, that sort of stuff.  Emm, he never changed, (I’m singing) “easy like Sunday morning” on the exterior, but he was tired of this as well. 

Well folks, we put a PLAN in place to buy a house. We let go of fear, we got educated, we got disciplined, we worked hard, and we spent much less in order to carry out the plan.  He took classes related to mortgages in ordered to be an educated buyer and I was in charge of closing credit cards and keeping us on a strict budget. It took us two years to get everything in order then we went to the bank and got prequalified. After that, came the real deal with getting a bank to commit to being our lender, now that was something else.  Was the process intense and tedious? 

Gimme a Y, Gimme an E, Gimme an S, what does it spell? YES, YES, YES!

 

I almost thought I was selling my soul.  BUT, WE DID IT TOGETHER!!! We got our house in 1999. I was going to get a house with an east and west wing, but I couldn’t deal with the haters … (hahaha). And then you know, family from Left Armpit, Alabama would want to visit and NEVER go home… (I’m a mess, I know). For real though, we got a small, but quaint abode that housed a daddy, a mommy, and one to two children comfortably.  And because I was a big part of the process I can carry on today in my house and I haven’t missed a beat.  I am proud of myself, yes indeed!  Am I passing this knowledge down to our daughter? NO DOUBT! (that song is on my first cd, “Fulfillment… I’ve Got To Do It” – SHAMELESS PLUG J)

Husbands commit to teaching and sharing the household affairs with your wife.  If you leave this world first, you want to make sure your wife can continue on without missing a beat.  Wives learn. Make yourselves available to learn, it is vital! Again we must be proactive. In some households, the wife handles the affairs; so wives keep your husbands’ abreast to the goings on. Bottom line, you BOTH should be aware what is going on.

Next time, I’ll share with you what happened in 2001 that impacted my life even to this very day. It is so important to listen to that gut feeling, that inner voice. I did and thank God I did. My life would have been so different now if I didn’t listen 12 years ago.  Love ya!!!

WISINDOWED - (WIS-in-dowed) ...

January 30, 2013

How’s everyone doing? I started the year off pretty busy and my pace has not lessened. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. I guess I’ll see soon enough. Busy keeps me sane and keeps me from ending up in that dark place. I still choose to LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH even through the tears. 

You know, I always forget at the beginning of the year that I have to fill out my daughter’s FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) form. I just hate doing these forms but it helps financially with a daughter in college. Filling out this form was not foreign at all because my husband and I would do it together every year. This is another example of knowing what was going on with the business of the house. Imagine if I didn’t know about this application and maybe simply ignored it with everything I’m feeling these days.

 

Now that would be just tragic; who doesn’t need financial assistance for a child in college? What was difficult about filling out this form was that it reminded me that I am WIDOWED! Man how I hate that word and how it makes me feel. Then I had to check the box that stated her father was DECEASED, I hate that word too!!!  I’m not too comfortable with the word single either, probably because once you’ve been happily married and are widowed, single now is not the same has single before ever being married. You see life with a different set of eyes. With that said I have declared myself WISINDOWED!

 

It's a combination of WI from wisdom, SIN from single, and DOWED from widowed. I FEEL BETTER ALREADY! :) Now to figure out how to get that word on any and every demography needed for anything and everything, hmmmm. When life serves you lemons make lemon frosted pound cake (you thought I was going to say lemonade) GOTCHA!! By the way, have you tasted Starbuck’s lemon frosted pound cake? The way the cake ministers to me, nothing should taste that good!!  That was random but anyway…

If you remember in my last blog, I mentioned how sometimes things happen that you have no control over… LIFE HAPPENS. The question is what do you do when life happens? Do you crawl into a corner, cry and hope it goes away? Do you look the situation in the face and handle it? My husband would always say, “I ain’t going out like that!” Meaning I am going to fight until the end, that’s what he did and that’s what I will continue to do.

Life happened when we returned to NY after being in Virginia for many years and Emm had no job; IBM confirmed a job and there was none. We honestly didn’t know it would be so very hard for him to find a job. The biggest problem was “you’re over qualified”.  What impressed me with my husband was that he never laid around waiting for the “white collar” job to come around. This man went from handling US Navy accounts with IBM to working in a supermarket (Grand Union) at night stocking shelves from 10pm to 5am and took temp jobs in accounting until he found a permanent job, a year and a half later.

No one is exempt from life’s challenges. What makes the difference is how you handle life. Always know life is a process and we are forever maturing in how we deal with challenges. So don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get it right the first time. Listen to those that know, learn from the situations, and deal with it, be PROACTIVE!

Love you guys and don’t forget I’m NOT single, I’m NOT widowed any longer, I AM WISINDOWED!!! HOLLA!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! It's 2013 ...

Hey Family!

Happy New Year, Happy 2013, a NEW YEAR, a NEW BEGINNING, WOO-HOO!!!! I pray that everyone had a meaningful and purposeful holiday season as I did. Yes, it was so different, very different. On Christmas morning Heather and I woke at 10am, looked at each other, said Merry Christmas and verbalized how weird everything felt. We went downstairs into the living room, held hands and prayed. We thanked God for her daddy/my hubby’s life and told God that since we had to give Emm to someone we are pleased that someone is HIM! So, we exchanged gifts. Heather was never one that expected a lot and we never over did it with her either. It was hard to stick to that this year because I felt that I had to over compensate because of her sadness. She asked for four items; I got her two extra gifts. I wanted to get her some things that I thought her father would have gotten her. He’d always made sure to get her the latest perfume and always got her something music related. She was pleasantly surprised when she opened two gifts, one having Prada’s Candy perfume and the other being Dr. DRE’s BEATS headphones. She said I outdid myself! She was quite thoughtful in what she got for me. One gift was three Christian worship CDs, which I love, love, love!

We were in church for New Year’s. I wouldn’t have it any other way, this is all I know. Our church celebrated like there was no tomorrow, WE RAISED THE ROOF!!!! WE PUMPED UP THE VOLUME with our worship and praise.  We praised God for His love and faithfulness in our lives. I thanked God for just being able to say “I’M STILL STANDING”. Folks, that’s major for me, but not too hard for God!

It really hit hard a few days ago that I am the head of household now. All the decisions are on me. Wow! This is why I am so very relieved that I was a part of the planning and budgeting of my family. Can you imagine not knowing anything about the finances, the bills, what’s going on? When that love one dies, guess what…LIFE GOES ON. The gas and electric bill still comes in, rent/mortgage still has to be paid, we have to eat, car note is still due. Don’t forget the insurance, homeowner’s, car, medical is usually taken out of your check, and the BIG ONE…LIFE INSURANCE!!! I don’t care how bad things get DON’T LET YOUR LIFE INSURANCE LAPSE!!!! Remember life insurance has all to do with how much you love the one that’s left after you leave.  Remember earlier how I talked about the due date on the bill, that doesn’t change because your spouse passed away.

I would think about our future all the time when Emm was alive but not as much as I do now. I believe what always helped me was that I never tried to “keep up with the Jones” (who are these Jones anyway??) and I never was one to live above my means. At least I tried hard not to, I just didn’t like bills. There were times when the money that came in didn’t match up to the bills that were supposed to be paid. OH NO MR.BILL (Saturday Night Live) I would beat myself up; I’d worry, cry and lose sleep. My dear Mr. Barnes never lost sleep, I think he snored more (laughing). I would get so angry; I mean how can you sleep in a crisis like this? Somehow someway things worked out though. I mean there are times when LIFE HAPPENS. Meanwhile back at the ranch, Emm was rested, thinking clearly, looking refreshed (remember his nickname was EASY) and I was twisted, exhausted and I’d growl and be ready to “cut somebody” (never did though, just felt that way) from all the nights of lost sleep.  I think I could have starred in The DIARY of a MAD, BLACK WOMAN that LOST SLEEP CAUSE SHE COULDN’T PAY ALL HER BILLS ON TIME!!! (Tyler Perry where are you?) Anyway…  (laughing)

Remember the term LIFE HAPPENS? Emm worked for IBM as a financial analyst from 1977 to 1990. In 1990 we decided to move back to New York from Virginia. IBM downsized and somehow “they forgot” (sarcasm at its finest) that they promised to give him a position back here in New York. Needless to say Emm was without a job, here in New York. Well guys, life happened! This next phase of life for us was a major challenge but I can assure you of this, Emm didn’t lose not one bit of sleep but as for me…well, the haggard look was the in thing in my world at the time (laughing). ‘Til next time…

MERRY CHRISTMAS :)

Hi family,

Tomorrow is Christmas day, yaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!!!!! It is an exciting time of year. I am looking forward to it and, on purpose, I plan to have a wonderful holiday!   I stopped putting the tree up once Heather out grew the three foot tree we had, it didn’t take long, she was probably about three years old when we stopped …(laughing). Imagine this child looking DOWN at a tree because she’s much taller than it, there’s something painfully wrong with that picture (still laughing).  In my mind the idea is to look UP at a gy-normous (Chloe Kardashian word) tree and be in awe.  Well guess what I did to rectify the situation, I went out last week and bought an eight foot tree.  I went to Sears, had a young man help me put it in the car, the box didn’t fit in the car, he took the tree out of the box and put it in my trunk.  When I got home I took everything out, in my own clumsy, Lucy Ricardo (I LOVE LUCY) style; I managed to get the tree in the house.  Did I mention it was raining during this whole ordeal?  I was sweating and breathing hard but guess what folks I got that tree up, with lights and all (well it actually came with lights).  That tree gave me such joy, once I saw it in its upright position. 

This tree symbolizes my determination to have a GREAT CHRISTMAS!  MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!  When Heather got home she was quite happy about what she saw and folks. Heather, who is at 5 foot 9 inches, was able to LOOK UP at the tree.  NOW THAT’S WHAT’S UP!!! (pun intended) By the way I really don’t think Heather was in awe of the tree, but WHAT-E-VEEEER, I’M STILL IN AWE OF MY TREE!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am also going to cook because my family seems to think that that’s what I am supposed to do, so I shall deliver. How’s this for a menu, pot roast (slow-cooker style) string beans in garlic sauce, asparagus  (just cause I love it), corn casserole and rice. For dessert apple pie(I asked Mrs. Smith to stop by, lol) and ice cream. I mean that’s not bad for someone that had to work on Christmas Eve and will be back at work the day after.  

Because of my husband’s death, I sometimes have to work at the choice I have made to LIVE, LOVE and LAUGH to the fullest. And that my friends, is ok because it is worth it in the end.  You see, that choice to live, love, and laugh puts me in a most wonderful place and everyone that I am connected to, ESPECIALLY YOU!

God bless you, be well, enjoy your day, and remember JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON!

~ B. Renee