WISINDOWED - (WIS-in-dowed) ...

January 30, 2013

How’s everyone doing? I started the year off pretty busy and my pace has not lessened. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. I guess I’ll see soon enough. Busy keeps me sane and keeps me from ending up in that dark place. I still choose to LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH even through the tears. 

You know, I always forget at the beginning of the year that I have to fill out my daughter’s FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) form. I just hate doing these forms but it helps financially with a daughter in college. Filling out this form was not foreign at all because my husband and I would do it together every year. This is another example of knowing what was going on with the business of the house. Imagine if I didn’t know about this application and maybe simply ignored it with everything I’m feeling these days.

 

Now that would be just tragic; who doesn’t need financial assistance for a child in college? What was difficult about filling out this form was that it reminded me that I am WIDOWED! Man how I hate that word and how it makes me feel. Then I had to check the box that stated her father was DECEASED, I hate that word too!!!  I’m not too comfortable with the word single either, probably because once you’ve been happily married and are widowed, single now is not the same has single before ever being married. You see life with a different set of eyes. With that said I have declared myself WISINDOWED!

 

It's a combination of WI from wisdom, SIN from single, and DOWED from widowed. I FEEL BETTER ALREADY! :) Now to figure out how to get that word on any and every demography needed for anything and everything, hmmmm. When life serves you lemons make lemon frosted pound cake (you thought I was going to say lemonade) GOTCHA!! By the way, have you tasted Starbuck’s lemon frosted pound cake? The way the cake ministers to me, nothing should taste that good!!  That was random but anyway…

If you remember in my last blog, I mentioned how sometimes things happen that you have no control over… LIFE HAPPENS. The question is what do you do when life happens? Do you crawl into a corner, cry and hope it goes away? Do you look the situation in the face and handle it? My husband would always say, “I ain’t going out like that!” Meaning I am going to fight until the end, that’s what he did and that’s what I will continue to do.

Life happened when we returned to NY after being in Virginia for many years and Emm had no job; IBM confirmed a job and there was none. We honestly didn’t know it would be so very hard for him to find a job. The biggest problem was “you’re over qualified”.  What impressed me with my husband was that he never laid around waiting for the “white collar” job to come around. This man went from handling US Navy accounts with IBM to working in a supermarket (Grand Union) at night stocking shelves from 10pm to 5am and took temp jobs in accounting until he found a permanent job, a year and a half later.

No one is exempt from life’s challenges. What makes the difference is how you handle life. Always know life is a process and we are forever maturing in how we deal with challenges. So don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get it right the first time. Listen to those that know, learn from the situations, and deal with it, be PROACTIVE!

Love you guys and don’t forget I’m NOT single, I’m NOT widowed any longer, I AM WISINDOWED!!! HOLLA!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! It's 2013 ...

Hey Family!

Happy New Year, Happy 2013, a NEW YEAR, a NEW BEGINNING, WOO-HOO!!!! I pray that everyone had a meaningful and purposeful holiday season as I did. Yes, it was so different, very different. On Christmas morning Heather and I woke at 10am, looked at each other, said Merry Christmas and verbalized how weird everything felt. We went downstairs into the living room, held hands and prayed. We thanked God for her daddy/my hubby’s life and told God that since we had to give Emm to someone we are pleased that someone is HIM! So, we exchanged gifts. Heather was never one that expected a lot and we never over did it with her either. It was hard to stick to that this year because I felt that I had to over compensate because of her sadness. She asked for four items; I got her two extra gifts. I wanted to get her some things that I thought her father would have gotten her. He’d always made sure to get her the latest perfume and always got her something music related. She was pleasantly surprised when she opened two gifts, one having Prada’s Candy perfume and the other being Dr. DRE’s BEATS headphones. She said I outdid myself! She was quite thoughtful in what she got for me. One gift was three Christian worship CDs, which I love, love, love!

We were in church for New Year’s. I wouldn’t have it any other way, this is all I know. Our church celebrated like there was no tomorrow, WE RAISED THE ROOF!!!! WE PUMPED UP THE VOLUME with our worship and praise.  We praised God for His love and faithfulness in our lives. I thanked God for just being able to say “I’M STILL STANDING”. Folks, that’s major for me, but not too hard for God!

It really hit hard a few days ago that I am the head of household now. All the decisions are on me. Wow! This is why I am so very relieved that I was a part of the planning and budgeting of my family. Can you imagine not knowing anything about the finances, the bills, what’s going on? When that love one dies, guess what…LIFE GOES ON. The gas and electric bill still comes in, rent/mortgage still has to be paid, we have to eat, car note is still due. Don’t forget the insurance, homeowner’s, car, medical is usually taken out of your check, and the BIG ONE…LIFE INSURANCE!!! I don’t care how bad things get DON’T LET YOUR LIFE INSURANCE LAPSE!!!! Remember life insurance has all to do with how much you love the one that’s left after you leave.  Remember earlier how I talked about the due date on the bill, that doesn’t change because your spouse passed away.

I would think about our future all the time when Emm was alive but not as much as I do now. I believe what always helped me was that I never tried to “keep up with the Jones” (who are these Jones anyway??) and I never was one to live above my means. At least I tried hard not to, I just didn’t like bills. There were times when the money that came in didn’t match up to the bills that were supposed to be paid. OH NO MR.BILL (Saturday Night Live) I would beat myself up; I’d worry, cry and lose sleep. My dear Mr. Barnes never lost sleep, I think he snored more (laughing). I would get so angry; I mean how can you sleep in a crisis like this? Somehow someway things worked out though. I mean there are times when LIFE HAPPENS. Meanwhile back at the ranch, Emm was rested, thinking clearly, looking refreshed (remember his nickname was EASY) and I was twisted, exhausted and I’d growl and be ready to “cut somebody” (never did though, just felt that way) from all the nights of lost sleep.  I think I could have starred in The DIARY of a MAD, BLACK WOMAN that LOST SLEEP CAUSE SHE COULDN’T PAY ALL HER BILLS ON TIME!!! (Tyler Perry where are you?) Anyway…  (laughing)

Remember the term LIFE HAPPENS? Emm worked for IBM as a financial analyst from 1977 to 1990. In 1990 we decided to move back to New York from Virginia. IBM downsized and somehow “they forgot” (sarcasm at its finest) that they promised to give him a position back here in New York. Needless to say Emm was without a job, here in New York. Well guys, life happened! This next phase of life for us was a major challenge but I can assure you of this, Emm didn’t lose not one bit of sleep but as for me…well, the haggard look was the in thing in my world at the time (laughing). ‘Til next time…