HAPPY NEW YEAR!! It's 2013 ...

Hey Family!

Happy New Year, Happy 2013, a NEW YEAR, a NEW BEGINNING, WOO-HOO!!!! I pray that everyone had a meaningful and purposeful holiday season as I did. Yes, it was so different, very different. On Christmas morning Heather and I woke at 10am, looked at each other, said Merry Christmas and verbalized how weird everything felt. We went downstairs into the living room, held hands and prayed. We thanked God for her daddy/my hubby’s life and told God that since we had to give Emm to someone we are pleased that someone is HIM! So, we exchanged gifts. Heather was never one that expected a lot and we never over did it with her either. It was hard to stick to that this year because I felt that I had to over compensate because of her sadness. She asked for four items; I got her two extra gifts. I wanted to get her some things that I thought her father would have gotten her. He’d always made sure to get her the latest perfume and always got her something music related. She was pleasantly surprised when she opened two gifts, one having Prada’s Candy perfume and the other being Dr. DRE’s BEATS headphones. She said I outdid myself! She was quite thoughtful in what she got for me. One gift was three Christian worship CDs, which I love, love, love!

We were in church for New Year’s. I wouldn’t have it any other way, this is all I know. Our church celebrated like there was no tomorrow, WE RAISED THE ROOF!!!! WE PUMPED UP THE VOLUME with our worship and praise.  We praised God for His love and faithfulness in our lives. I thanked God for just being able to say “I’M STILL STANDING”. Folks, that’s major for me, but not too hard for God!

It really hit hard a few days ago that I am the head of household now. All the decisions are on me. Wow! This is why I am so very relieved that I was a part of the planning and budgeting of my family. Can you imagine not knowing anything about the finances, the bills, what’s going on? When that love one dies, guess what…LIFE GOES ON. The gas and electric bill still comes in, rent/mortgage still has to be paid, we have to eat, car note is still due. Don’t forget the insurance, homeowner’s, car, medical is usually taken out of your check, and the BIG ONE…LIFE INSURANCE!!! I don’t care how bad things get DON’T LET YOUR LIFE INSURANCE LAPSE!!!! Remember life insurance has all to do with how much you love the one that’s left after you leave.  Remember earlier how I talked about the due date on the bill, that doesn’t change because your spouse passed away.

I would think about our future all the time when Emm was alive but not as much as I do now. I believe what always helped me was that I never tried to “keep up with the Jones” (who are these Jones anyway??) and I never was one to live above my means. At least I tried hard not to, I just didn’t like bills. There were times when the money that came in didn’t match up to the bills that were supposed to be paid. OH NO MR.BILL (Saturday Night Live) I would beat myself up; I’d worry, cry and lose sleep. My dear Mr. Barnes never lost sleep, I think he snored more (laughing). I would get so angry; I mean how can you sleep in a crisis like this? Somehow someway things worked out though. I mean there are times when LIFE HAPPENS. Meanwhile back at the ranch, Emm was rested, thinking clearly, looking refreshed (remember his nickname was EASY) and I was twisted, exhausted and I’d growl and be ready to “cut somebody” (never did though, just felt that way) from all the nights of lost sleep.  I think I could have starred in The DIARY of a MAD, BLACK WOMAN that LOST SLEEP CAUSE SHE COULDN’T PAY ALL HER BILLS ON TIME!!! (Tyler Perry where are you?) Anyway…  (laughing)

Remember the term LIFE HAPPENS? Emm worked for IBM as a financial analyst from 1977 to 1990. In 1990 we decided to move back to New York from Virginia. IBM downsized and somehow “they forgot” (sarcasm at its finest) that they promised to give him a position back here in New York. Needless to say Emm was without a job, here in New York. Well guys, life happened! This next phase of life for us was a major challenge but I can assure you of this, Emm didn’t lose not one bit of sleep but as for me…well, the haggard look was the in thing in my world at the time (laughing). ‘Til next time…