The Journey ...

Hey family/friends,

Today is one of those difficult days and I guess it should be expected since it has only been 2.5 months that Emm has gone to the “REAL WORLD”.  Someone used that term to say where he is and I said, “That’s it, exactly!” Also I wanted to recommend a book that my pastor gave me when my husband first passed. It’s by Tony Cooke, “LIFE AFTER DEATH”. It’s an easy read and a great source for healing; a book, for the loved one that is left here to relate to. When my pastor first gave it to me, I read a few pages and decided that I was fine and I had this confidence of “I got this”. Well, in the last few weeks, the pain has intensified and I realized despite how many people said “you’re strong” I felt like I was going to come crashing down at any point and it wasn’t going to be pretty. I then remembered the book.  I searched high and low in my house to find that book; I needed something in writing that just might relate to what I was feeling; and this book has not let me down.

Well folks, let me start from the beginning of this journey. Feb 14, 1986, Emm and I spoke the words, “in sickness and in health, ‘til death do us part”. I was 26 and he was 30. Both of us were quite healthy and without a care in the world.  Why should we think about sickness or dying, I mean we were invincible! This type of thinking isn’t really uncommon to healthy young folks.  

Today I’d like to share some thoughts on basic healthcare.  Young married couples, engaged couples, even single folk you have to be proactive in this area.  I pray that married couples that have been married awhile (let’s say over 7 years) should hopefully be advising and mentoring young couples in these areas.  If not, then let me share with you as well. It is better late than never. It is very, very important to make sure that you get a YEARLY physical without hesitation.  Women, along with our physicals we should get our YEARLY gynecological exams and mammography tests. Men, you must get all that is needed to keep you healthy as well. We must remember as much as we “hate” going to the doctor, if something is going on in our body it is not going away just because you don’t want to go. We must be proactive with our health and be an informed and compliant patient.

Ladies, statistics have shown that one of the reasons married men out live single men is because of the wife encouraging him to go to the doctor.  Ladies, encourage, nag, or (MARRIED LADIES ONLY) promise them goodies (wink, wink) whatever you have to do in order for them to go for their appointments.  Remind them that staying healthy isn’t just about them, but about you and the rest of the family.

I realized early in our marriage that Emm just didn’t go to the doctor; it wasn’t that he was afraid.  He was the epitome of a healthy young man. He just didn’t go, nothing hurt, no pain, so why bother. Can anyone relate to that mentality?   I mean he didn’t even know what insurance he had; I found that to be so funny. I snapped on him for days. I remember calling IBM Human Resources and getting his insurance information.  From the time I began making his yearly physical, he would go.  If you see where you have to do the leg work in order for your spouse to go to the doctor, DO IT!  Love your spouse to life, a HEALTHY LIFE!  Husbands, you might be the one that has to help your wife along. JUST DO IT!

Life was great, we were doing well.  Yes we had our ups and downs, but we loved each other too much to let external things come between us.  We wanted our marriage to work so we fought hard together even in the seemingly roughest of times. He was so easy going (his nickname in college was Easy) and I was drama.  I was always concerned about life; he just “rolled with it”. He was the listener; I just didn’t know how to stop talking, (mouth almighty).  There are no two people alike, but in the words of Tim Gunn (Project Runway) “Make it work”.  And we did just that. 

There was another major area in our marriage that I found out he was pretty nonchalant about. Talking about living up to your nickname, EASY… there is an expression that is out now that I wished was out back then, because I would have used it with all the passion I could have gathered up. That word being “REALLY?”